When listening to what a person says, pay attention to their behavior as well. Behavior tells the true story. Have you ever heard the sentiment: “action speaks louder than words?”
I’ve have had many people come to me when they are having issues in their relationships. Many times (more than I can count) I have to convince them that I can’t change the person they are talking about… but I can help them change what’s not working specifically for them… and who knows, that might change the way the other person in their relationship is acting.
I remember this story I heard once from a husband. He would go around his house shutting off lights. Every time he would walk into a room he would get more and more incensed about how much money was being wasted on electricity, and then shut the light.
His wife would walk into a room and think, how gloomy is this room, open the light and then walk out of the room. This went on for many years until, the husband got curious about the actions of the wife and asked, what does the light in the room mean to the wife. She told him that a room with light was happy, so she liked to walk into happy rooms.
So he had a choice to make, does he want his wife to be happy or does he want to save on electricity? Now he has choice, but the behavior provided the highest quality of information… it’s up to you to find out what the behavior means. Most likely it is quite important.
Tracy Joy is an NLP practitioner, author, and speaker in Vancouver, Canada. She is an international business expert in the area of human systems analysis and thinking change. If you have brain questions, send them Tracy and she’ll answer them on this blog. She can be reached through www.TherapeuticNLP.com