Tag Archive for words

Presupposition#11: Behavior is the highest quality information available

When listening to what a person says, pay attention to their behavior as well. Behavior tells the true story. Have you ever heard the sentiment: “action speaks louder than words?”

I’ve have had many people come to me when they are having issues in their relationships. Many times (more than I can count) I have to convince them that I can’t change the person they are talking about… but I can help them change what’s not working specifically for them… and who knows, that might change the way the other person in their relationship is acting.

I remember this story I heard once from a husband. He would go around his house shutting off lights. Every time he would walk into a room he would get more and more incensed about how much money was being wasted on electricity, and then shut the light.

His wife would walk into a room and think, how gloomy is this room, open the light and then walk out of the room. This went on for many years until, the husband got curious about the actions of the wife and asked, what does the light in the room mean to the wife. She told him that a room with light was happy, so she liked to walk into happy rooms.

So he had a choice to make, does he want his wife to be happy or does he want to save on electricity? Now he has choice, but the behavior provided the highest quality of information… it’s up to you to find out what the behavior means. Most likely it is quite important.

Tracy Joy founder of NLP VancouverTracy Joy is an NLP practitioner, author, and speaker in Vancouver, Canada. She is an international business expert in the area of human systems analysis and thinking change. If you have brain questions, send them Tracy and she’ll answer them on this blog. She can be reached through www.TherapeuticNLP.com

Part 2: Do you know your strongest sense? How do you use this information in sales?

When you are in sales, you are playing the numbers game. Everyone you meet could be a potential customer or know a potential customer. Based on your speech patterns, the more someone feels comfortable with you the more someone will want to tell others about you and your conversations or will want to buy from you.

To do that, you want to mirror them as much as much as possible. If you are mirroring someone, you want to mirror their gestures back to them, their body posture, their breathing and the exact words they use (i.e.: the word “success” is not the same as the word “successful”.). One of the things you can do is listen for in their words and actions in their preferred sense.

Their preferred sense shows up in the predicates they use… so words like: see, view, and look are visual predicates. Words like: tactile, texture, emote, are feeling predicates and words like:  sound, music, hear, advise, are auditory predicates…etc…

In your conversations with others they move their eyes as well as their face to process information. Unless they have a brain injury, the person is lying, or they were taught to never lose eye contact with a person while talking, a person that is primarily visual will look up, above the horizon maybe to the right or to the left many times through your conversation… but mostly their eye positioning when accessing information while speaking to you will look up towards the ceiling. When someone is looking at you over their glasses they are looking at the visual spectrum and trying to avoid receiving feelings from you.

If a person is primarily auditory, they will look side to side. I have friend who turns his whole head from side to side just to maintain eye contact with the person he’s talking to. An auditory person mainly looks shifty eyed. Their gaze when accessing information is along the horizon or their ear line and a little bit lower (like 15% grade)

A feeling dominant person will mostly gaze down well below the horizon or where their ears are. Their posture will follow their eyes. They could also look directly at you and shake their knee or fidget with their hands… that’s also a feeling person processing a feeling.

If a person is smell oriented you will see their nose scrunch and twist as they process information.

If a person is taste oriented you will see their mouth chew.

These are in addition to anything they might say.

The big issue is one orientation doesn’t hear the other orientation. You need to speak to them in their preferred sense (using predicates from their preferred sense or with no specific sense indicated by your predicates.) for your information to make sense to their brain… otherwise use predicates that don’t promote a preference… example: tell me about your “experience” rather than tell me what you “see“…

Any other questions related to this topic?

Tracy Joy is an NLP practitioner, author, and speaker in Vancouver, Canada. She is an international business expert in the area of human systems analysis and thinking change. If you have brain questions, send them Tracy and she’ll answer them on this blog. She can be reached through www.TherapeuticNLP.com

What do you want? Success? Money? Happiness?

(Please make sure to see and do therapeuticnlp twitter feeds for Steps 1-15)

Every NLP session I do starts out with the question “What do you want?” In fact the whole session is about what the client wants. We spend 2.5 to 5 hours (depending on the client) clarifying that question and creating change around the answer.

Over the past 2-3 days, I’ve asked you to look at one word. The word “success.” And, what it means to you.

Notice how it is not the same as the word “successful.” “Successful” has it’s own pictures sounds and feelings that are distinctly different. Trying to communicate to someone the difference between these 2 words is a lesson in futility and is why paraphrasing back what some else says doesn’t work. (STOP USING ACTIVE LISTENING as a process for communication – it doesn’t work! It just puts people on the defensive.) We have visceral experiences for words. Actually it’s the other way around. We have names for our visceral experiences. One person’s use of a label for their visceral experience doesn’t necessarily equate to another’s visceral experience where they use that same label.

Now back to the exercise…

So when you are clear about your goal, crystal clear about the visceral experience related to your “success”, you can have yourself experience it: You can do this by remembering a time when your life was like that – where you felt “success.” If you have never experienced it, you must have someone in your acquaintance you know who has experienced your “success.”

Once you can locate that experience, you want to imagine yourself experiencing that exact “success.” What is it like hear all those things, that people are saying to you while you are experiencing “success”? What is like to see and have the experience of “success” you previously described? How does your breathing change in this experience of “success” in comparison to your life currently? What is different? What is new? What are your emotions? How does your body feel? Is there tightness, or stiffness anywhere?  Are you light or heavy on your feet? How does the air feel different around you? What is easy for you now that was not previously?

Being able to get answers for these signals that your unconscious brain has processed the information we’ve given it so far. If you don’t get answers to theses immediately – like you have to search for the answer, you are experiencing something Gregory Bateson (an early NLP developer and contributor) would call an “ecological objection.” This means something in your system is not wanting you to make a change. If this happens go back and explore who might have and issue with you having this “success” in your life. If there is someone, would that affect your relationship with them? is there something you could do to make a difference for them, to say make them feel safe no matter how much you change? Then go back and imagine your clear visceral experience of “success” and repeat the instructions in the above paragraph.

This is the first step, in being able to have your “success.” The next step is setting your world up so you can have that. So, what do you now need or want to set that up? Let me know.

Tracy Joy is an NLP practitioner, author, and speaker in Vancouver, Canada. She is an international business expert in the area of human systems analysis and thinking change. If you have brain questions, send them Tracy and she’ll answer them on this blog. She can be reached through www.TherapeuticNLP.com