Tag Archive for human excellence

What is NLP? Definition #9

NLP is… the language of the heart and mind.

If you just apply three quick and simple NLP concepts, you will know how to use NLP to bring more positive and successful behaviors into your life.

1.) Make what you want in life into a positive statement. Most people I work with find it easier to start in the negative – so what don’t you want? or what’s not working as well as you would like? Take those items and switch them into what you consider your opposite. Most people associate the words “good” and “bad” as opposites… but I’ve had “bad” paired with “smart,” “loving,” etc. Use you’re opposites. Don’t worry about what others think… If you do, then you will miss out on the power of this exercise (concentrate on your heart and mind). Most people can’t get the positive out until they get out the negative or their complaint about how they don’t want things to be.

2.) To make what you want more vivid and attractive to you, figure out the details of the specifics of what you want. How will it feel to you when you have these things? When you accomplish these goals? Once you have that how can you make them more powerful? One of the things I do with my clients is I ask them to breath live into their desires. They tell me how it feels in their body when they achieved their goals – like is their breathing fast or slow? Is there tension in their muscles or not. If so, where? I have them tell me what are the conversations they hear around them and what are they telling them selves when they go there? Increase mental vividness of what you want to do in order to increase its attractiveness to you.

3.) Try these behaviors and feelings on. Use your imagination to explore these feeling that you came up with in #2. Mentally rehearse them, so they feel natural. The more you practice the more your brain will search for those feeling and experiences making your desires into your reality. Many years ago I was handed a story about a girl who grew up in a family who made a refrigerator list. What ever the family wanted they put on this list and every week they made what they wanted more specific. And, like magic what they wanted would show up. In NLP what you are doing is aligning your deletion, distortion and generalization filters around what you want. Once they are aligned there is no reason for you wants to go unfulfilled.

This step-by-step practical program approach to change is the hallmark of NLP. NLP is a how-to technology for personal transformation. The differences between traditional clinical psychology and NLP, is that psychology is mostly concerned with describing issues, putting those issues in categories, and figuring out the history of the cause of those issues. NLP is interested in how our thoughts, actions, and feeling work together right now to produce our experience now.

To do NLP, we need completely new principles of how the brain works in comparison to what is known. It doesn’t have to be the truth but it has to work. And, it has to be completely new for us. When we try and learn something new, there is a strong temptation for us to make it into something we already know. To be successful with NLP we need to be wiling to be indefinitely wrong.

To effectively study the patterns of human excellence and build the structure of this model of how our brain works, we need to hold certain beliefs or hold that certain facts are true. In practice of NLP the generalizations we believe for practice are called “presuppositions.” The presuppositions of NLP are observations that Richard Bandler and John Grinder and others made with respect to creating NLP. Just by holding even a couple of these belief systems in your life, they have a transformative ability…we hold them not because they have been proven but because when they are held in mind, they give us a much greater degree of freedom of choice and opportunities.

Tracy Joy is an NLP practitioner, author, and speaker in Vancouver, Canada. She is an international business expert in the area of human systems analysis and thinking change. If you have brain questions, send them Tracy and she’ll answer them on this blog. She can be reached through www.TherapeuticNLP.com

What is NLP? Definition #8

NLP is… The study of human excellence. To me personally, it was and is the only way of releasing my own personal genius. I was so hurt by my parents’ lack of ability to make me feel safe and accepted that I hid from everyone else and worked in a career I hated, made choices that suited everyone else for their benefit, and not mine.

One of the things my NLP mentor says is “In a family of thieves the one that doesn’t steal feels guilt.” For me, this one that feels guilty and drawn back in to what they don’t want time after time, is me. I wanted so badly to go to school and just learn. And, my family made sure I knew there was something wrong with me. To me it was the key to making people happy about their lives and their work and who they are. To me this was worth all the school I had to do. For them, I was the family pariah.

I came across this NLP stuff by accident as I was starting my PhD in Humanistic Psych for the first time. What I didn’t know is that my family systems was the perfect teaching ground for hypnotic language, languaging patterns, and all the elements of NLP. I was already doing it. So when I learned NLP for real, I was a natural.

One of the aspects that often referred to as a “pillar of NLP” or “part of the nested frames of NLP” is something called “Rapport.” With rapport you make another person feel safe in their skin. My mentor calls it being “Gazelle-like” (think 2 gazelles meeting vs. a tiger and gazelle meeting). In creating rapport with someone, they are able to let down their guard with you. What I didn’t realize was, I was very good at this with people. The problem was I didn’t know how to turn it off. And so, what would happen is I would have people inappropriately come on to me, or freak out when I didn’t do something they expected.

Rapport is the first and essential step in every human interaction. Without this no NLP change process can work. There are levels of rapport. Someone we have deep rapport with feels amazing to be around. They feel like they understand us at a level that no one else does. Many great relationships were started because of great rapport. But being in rapport with someone doesn’t mean they do actually understand you – that takes time.

Not being in rapport with someone will feel like you are on guard. Like you can’t say anything right. In my family it was dangerous to not know what another person expected from you and rapport was the only way for me to get that information. It was a survival tactic because the alternative was to be on the end of annihilating rage.

When you learn this in a family, you expect this out in the world. In fact you could line up a thousand healthy people and one borderline personality disorder(BPD) person and I could pick the BPD out with a blindfold. That is whom my mind would code as most safe. That was my reality before I learned and experienced NLP. After learning NLP, I sometimes slip, into doing more rapport than necessary because I like when feel safe being around me… but I get to choose now. And, that choice has changed my world dramatically. 

Tracy Joy is an NLP practitioner, author, and speaker in Vancouver, Canada. She is an international business expert in the area of human systems analysis and thinking change. If you have brain questions, send them Tracy and she’ll answer them on this blog. She can be reached through www.TherapeuticNLP.com