Tag Archive for early childhood development

Dissecting your fear… what if it could be this simple?

What is fear? Fear is an experience. And, as an NLP practitioner fear is the basis of most of the work I do.

Your fear creates the basis for everything you like and don’t like in your life. It was learned from your biological parents and the people that took care of you until you were about 3 years old… Most likely you don’t like the same things your mother or primary care giver didn’t like. This is because you developed this part of your brain 2 months before you were born to about when you turned 3. At this point your experience was shifted into your mother… almost like people say dogs can sense their owners feelings, as a child we sense our mother and/or primary caregiver’s feelings. After that, your brain just rehearsed and practiced that information as the other parts of your brain were developing until you turn around 21 years old.

Only if you had a subsequent traumatic event like death or disappearance of a parent  or some type of abuse before you turned 21 or other trauma later than 21 would you embed new changes in your like-don’t like system after the age of 3.

On the way to what we want, many times we are faced with new experiences that trigger those past memories from before we were 3. If we don’t like something our brain will trigger a painful feeling. The closer we get to some thing we don’t like the stronger the feelings our brain will trigger until we turn away to avoid the situation, or the threat is over. If we don’t remove ourself from the experience eventually our brain will trigger feelings of death.

If we are surprised by the threat like in suddenly seeing a spider or mouse, our brain might trigger us to stand on a chair or scream or even run away.

So one thing we can do, is go see a NLP practitioner to help us deal with our fear – be it getting on plane, spiders, heights, success, you name it.. and depending on the fear in about 15 minutes or so they can reduce the feelings associated with the fear. It takes a little bit longer to deal with the beliefs behind the fear and the bigger the fear, the more resolution you need.

But here is what you can do in the mean time… recognize your fear. Figure out where it came from and whose fear is it. Did it belong to your mother or father? Did you develop it? If so how? That may help you figure out your first memory of that fear. If you can get that, then in your mind, imagine putting your first memory of that fear into a black and white movie and see if you can watch it. If you can’t try moving the screen in your mind far, far away so the screen is very tiny.

Let me know how this worked for you…

Tracy Joy is an NLP practitioner, author, and speaker in Vancouver, Canada. She is an international business expert in the area of human systems analysis and thinking change. If you have brain questions, send them Tracy and she’ll answer them on this blog. She can be reached through www.TherapeuticNLP.com

Why people may not ask for the help they want or need to achieve a personal or professional goal?

Why people may not ask for the help they want or need to achieve a personal or professional goal?

During the period of 2 months before the child is born through to about 3 years old the human’s fight or flight response is being developed. Some times people call this the reptilian brain or critter brain. As our brains are developing at about the 2 to 6 months old stage (based on the Neo-Reichian Model of development) if a child is deprived of their needs (by say, the parent not reaching for the child) the child doesn’t reach back.

An example of this is a child learns not to cry because there is no response from the mother to that child’s crying. The fight or flight response learns not to need. Once that period of time has gone by, it is locked into the memory and the next stage of development occurs.
Our brains strive to make all processes automatic (like driving a car and recognizing we put a key into the car’s ignition, or walking into a room and recognizing we are in a room) and place these early memories in the subconscious where the conscious brain can’t readily access it. However anytime the human experiences a situation where the human has a need the memory comes up.

One could imagine that up until the point of adulthood a child might need many times. Each time the memory from the 2 to 7 month range comes up, it reinforces the feelings associated with not getting what it needs and the child stops the wanting behavior. The hurt is so great that feels as if the human is being threatened of death. Because this is happening subconsciously and the human is relating to its conscious environment the conscious reality gets wrapped in the previous memory and compounds the feels of hurt, updating the feeling of death. To the human when it experiences any threat to its very existence it will do anything to remove itself from the situation.

What’s stopping them?

Every time the human needs something, up flashes this compounded memory of being deprived. Because of the brain’s automatic processing the human doesn’t see the memory they just feel the bad feelings and remove themselves from the situation (flight).

What are the most common reasons they don’t ask?

Most people will come up with some conscious reason for why they didn’t ask to make sense of their response. It could be anything. They didn’t feel well, they got scared, they knew it wouldn’t work out, they are losers, they like life the way it is, etc. The real reason is their subconscious is reminding them of a very bad feeling that feels like they are dying. This is the human fight or flight response reacting.

Next, what are some practical strategies to overcome those obstacles?

Although if you are brave enough you can feel the fear and do it anyway – which is why there are so many of those self-help companies out there doing fire walks, bungee jumping, parachute jumping and the like. What this offers is a feeling of huge elation and relief after performing the task. But it doesn’t resolve the problem because behavior change is only one little piece of the puzzle and it is not sustainable.

If you find yourself not achieving a personal or professional goal try working with a NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) practitioner they are armed with many tools to make the brain’s fight or flight response be at ease and can help update that previous programming. Some of the tools can fix phobias, bad habits but most of all what they do is revise the meanings we humans make with those old memories to better suit new situations so the human can achieve what they want. What’s great about it is it usually takes 1-3 sessions to move through something entirely. They will ask questions around the question “what would you like?” and then access the memory associated with it through watching the way the human’s eyes move. Once the memory is accessed the practitioner will ask the client to find the meaning behind the memory and help the client alter it.

Tracy Slotin, MBA is a Certified Master Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner who offers “NLP Marin style” NLP sessions and training in Vancouver, Canada www.NLPVancouver.ca