Tag Archive for behaviour

Presupposition#12: Every behavior is useful in some context

To obtain healing, growth and success we don’t have to get rid of our so-called “bad” behaviours. Rather, acquiring more behavioral choices that provide more options for more useful responses in all areas of our lives.

If a behavior does not work, it is useful to re-contextualize it than to fight against it, resist it, or make it wrong.

As children we learned one way of doing everything. The supposed “right” way to survive. As we grow the information we have may not make sense for the situations we experience. This may be due to the fact that when we were taught the information we were taught we were children and didn’t have the experience to what we were learning. The information we learned became patterns in our lives and were useful until they weren’t. Which is when they become emotionally painful. That’s when we need to update our system. The most effective tool in updating and adding to this patterning is NLP.

The best way to have your brain choose a new option is to make the new option more positive than the intended positive out come currently available to your brain. But in order to offer a choice, some versions of NLP say to eliminate those painful memories entirely because they don’t hold useful information. This is how Therapeutic NLP is different from traditional or formulaic NLP. I believe all information we have is useful and needed. If I don’t include it, acknowledge it, and make it ok, you as my client can’t make any changes in your system because I can’t be in full rapport with you.

And, I know that if I offer the brain a better option, rather than subtract, it will use that option more often and over time the painful connections will fall away. 

If you look at the neural connections of a child’s brain through development, you’ll see an increase, then a decrease of connections over time. This is what happens in learning. Your brain creates many connections in learning something new. But as those skills become embedded and practiced the unneeded extra connections used in learning the skill fall away. This way your brain still knows how to crawl. You just don’t need all the information you needed to learn how to crawl. This is the efficiency of your brain’s processing and learning.

Tracy Joy, Founder of NLP VancouverTracy Joy is an NLP practitioner, author, and speaker in Vancouver, Canada. She is an international business expert in the area of human systems analysis and thinking change. If you have brain questions, send them Tracy and she’ll answer them on this blog. She can be reached through www.TherapeuticNLP.com

Presupposition#11: Behavior is the highest quality information available

When listening to what a person says, pay attention to their behavior as well. Behavior tells the true story. Have you ever heard the sentiment: “action speaks louder than words?”

I’ve have had many people come to me when they are having issues in their relationships. Many times (more than I can count) I have to convince them that I can’t change the person they are talking about… but I can help them change what’s not working specifically for them… and who knows, that might change the way the other person in their relationship is acting.

I remember this story I heard once from a husband. He would go around his house shutting off lights. Every time he would walk into a room he would get more and more incensed about how much money was being wasted on electricity, and then shut the light.

His wife would walk into a room and think, how gloomy is this room, open the light and then walk out of the room. This went on for many years until, the husband got curious about the actions of the wife and asked, what does the light in the room mean to the wife. She told him that a room with light was happy, so she liked to walk into happy rooms.

So he had a choice to make, does he want his wife to be happy or does he want to save on electricity? Now he has choice, but the behavior provided the highest quality of information… it’s up to you to find out what the behavior means. Most likely it is quite important.

Tracy Joy founder of NLP VancouverTracy Joy is an NLP practitioner, author, and speaker in Vancouver, Canada. She is an international business expert in the area of human systems analysis and thinking change. If you have brain questions, send them Tracy and she’ll answer them on this blog. She can be reached through www.TherapeuticNLP.com

Presupposition #4: People already have all the resources they need

People already have access to rich internal resources and strategies, and therefore they can make whatever changes they want. Most change and development are simply a matter of effectively accessing those resources at the appropriate times and places. The problem, when there is one, is usually something that impedes access to these resources.

So think, tip of the tongue: You know, when you know something, you know you know something and yet you can’t form the words to present the information to another human being. This is an access problem. Think about the last time you misplaced your keys or something else. This is also an access problem. Now think of the time you wanted to make a smart remark at someone who pissed you off, and you couldn’t only to have the smart remark come to you hours later when it was useless. A George Costanza moment (for you Seinfeld fans…)… This is an access problem… but mild version of blanking on an entire test (like, I was used to having), or having a flashback so large and so vivid and not being able to access the common reality we seem to agree on… 

All behavior and experience has a positive intention… usually the negative stuff is to warn you of a potentially dangerous situation… just sometimes the pain is from the perspective of a 3-year old

People are always doing the best that they can…  just sometimes it causes us a great deal of re-hurt (or our brain to reviews a painful memory but we only feel the pain from the memory. The memories were practiced previously we don’t get the visuals, smells, tastes, and sounds.

People already have all the resources they need… they just have a bit of problem accessing those resources.

Our mental images, inner voices, sensations, and feelings are the basic building blocks of all our mental and physical resources. These were created in our lives from decisions we made that created our beliefs, values, attitudes and even life themes or they may just have affected our perceptions over time. We can use these resources to build up any thought, feeling, or skill we want, and then place them in our lives where we want or need them most. The problem with this is that the many decisions we made were made either unconsciously or at a very earl age and forgotten. And, this is what has shaped our current ability to access our resources.

Tracy Joy is an NLP practitioner, author, and speaker in Vancouver, Canada. She is an international business expert in the area of human systems analysis and thinking change. If you have brain questions, send them Tracy and she’ll answer them on this blog. She can be reached through www.TherapeuticNLP.com

What is NLP? Definition #4

NLP is… A toolbox of techniques for expanding perceptions, changing behaviour, redefining capabilities, revising beliefs, updating identity, & extinguishing personal coherence & well being.

Gregory Bateson said that in processes of learning, change and communication, there were natural hierarchies of classification. He also said that it was the confusion of these logical levels that often creates problems. The reason for each level to exist was to organize the information on the level below it. So, if you would change something on one level it wouldn’t affect the upper levels, but would cause change in the lower levels in order to support the change at the higher level.

Robert Goldson devised a hierarchical list of logical levels of change. So the higher on the list, the harder to create the change. And, the higher the change on the list creates change and support for changes lower on the list. The list was as follows: (high) Identity, Belief, Capacity, Behavior, and Environment (low). John Grinder said this was illogical. However, in NLP we tend to use what works… and this logical levels of change, works.

Understanding the logical levels of change creates a context for thinking about NLP techniques.  It also provides a framework for gathering and organizing information, so we can identify to the best point to intervene in making change. As humans, we do not change in bits and pieces, but organically. Learning and change can take place at any level or levels.

Identity change deals with your sense of self  – your values, your purpose, who you are.

Belief change deals with what you believe is true about life: the ideas that determine your daily behavior. Beliefs can be values, permissions, necessities or limitations.

Capacity change deals with the sets of behaviors, skills and strategies we use to function in our daily life.

Behavior change deals with the specific actions we carry out regardless of our capacity.

Environment change deals with what we react to – our surroundings, the people and the events that make up our experience.

So you may have noticed that after attending a seminar or reading a self-help book the processes doesn’t work after a week. It is precisely because behaviour is a lower level of change. And, to change a behavior permanently one must also make the belief and capacity level changes. Belief and Identity level changes are difficult to create with out specificity. When an author is writing and book or a speaker is running a seminar, it is difficult for them to create enough specificity for your unique belief system to create that level of change. At the most they could make some capacity level change.

If we don’t change identity or belief, it can clash with a new capability. The system in those instances will throw it out due to cognitive dissonance. NLP starts with behavioural and capacity change to figure out what’s not working. It then goes to belief and identity to create the sustained change.

Tracy Joy is an NLP practitioner, author, and speaker in Vancouver, Canada. She is an international business expert in the area of human systems analysis and thinking change. If you have brain questions, send them Tracy and she’ll answer them on this blog. She can be reached through www.TherapeuticNLP.com