Tag Archive for behavior

Presupposition#12: Every behavior is useful in some context

To obtain healing, growth and success we don’t have to get rid of our so-called “bad” behaviours. Rather, acquiring more behavioral choices that provide more options for more useful responses in all areas of our lives.

If a behavior does not work, it is useful to re-contextualize it than to fight against it, resist it, or make it wrong.

As children we learned one way of doing everything. The supposed “right” way to survive. As we grow the information we have may not make sense for the situations we experience. This may be due to the fact that when we were taught the information we were taught we were children and didn’t have the experience to what we were learning. The information we learned became patterns in our lives and were useful until they weren’t. Which is when they become emotionally painful. That’s when we need to update our system. The most effective tool in updating and adding to this patterning is NLP.

The best way to have your brain choose a new option is to make the new option more positive than the intended positive out come currently available to your brain. But in order to offer a choice, some versions of NLP say to eliminate those painful memories entirely because they don’t hold useful information. This is how Therapeutic NLP is different from traditional or formulaic NLP. I believe all information we have is useful and needed. If I don’t include it, acknowledge it, and make it ok, you as my client can’t make any changes in your system because I can’t be in full rapport with you.

And, I know that if I offer the brain a better option, rather than subtract, it will use that option more often and over time the painful connections will fall away. 

If you look at the neural connections of a child’s brain through development, you’ll see an increase, then a decrease of connections over time. This is what happens in learning. Your brain creates many connections in learning something new. But as those skills become embedded and practiced the unneeded extra connections used in learning the skill fall away. This way your brain still knows how to crawl. You just don’t need all the information you needed to learn how to crawl. This is the efficiency of your brain’s processing and learning.

Tracy Joy, Founder of NLP VancouverTracy Joy is an NLP practitioner, author, and speaker in Vancouver, Canada. She is an international business expert in the area of human systems analysis and thinking change. If you have brain questions, send them Tracy and she’ll answer them on this blog. She can be reached through www.TherapeuticNLP.com

Presupposition#11: Behavior is the highest quality information available

When listening to what a person says, pay attention to their behavior as well. Behavior tells the true story. Have you ever heard the sentiment: “action speaks louder than words?”

I’ve have had many people come to me when they are having issues in their relationships. Many times (more than I can count) I have to convince them that I can’t change the person they are talking about… but I can help them change what’s not working specifically for them… and who knows, that might change the way the other person in their relationship is acting.

I remember this story I heard once from a husband. He would go around his house shutting off lights. Every time he would walk into a room he would get more and more incensed about how much money was being wasted on electricity, and then shut the light.

His wife would walk into a room and think, how gloomy is this room, open the light and then walk out of the room. This went on for many years until, the husband got curious about the actions of the wife and asked, what does the light in the room mean to the wife. She told him that a room with light was happy, so she liked to walk into happy rooms.

So he had a choice to make, does he want his wife to be happy or does he want to save on electricity? Now he has choice, but the behavior provided the highest quality of information… it’s up to you to find out what the behavior means. Most likely it is quite important.

Tracy Joy founder of NLP VancouverTracy Joy is an NLP practitioner, author, and speaker in Vancouver, Canada. She is an international business expert in the area of human systems analysis and thinking change. If you have brain questions, send them Tracy and she’ll answer them on this blog. She can be reached through www.TherapeuticNLP.com

Presupposition #4: People already have all the resources they need

People already have access to rich internal resources and strategies, and therefore they can make whatever changes they want. Most change and development are simply a matter of effectively accessing those resources at the appropriate times and places. The problem, when there is one, is usually something that impedes access to these resources.

So think, tip of the tongue: You know, when you know something, you know you know something and yet you can’t form the words to present the information to another human being. This is an access problem. Think about the last time you misplaced your keys or something else. This is also an access problem. Now think of the time you wanted to make a smart remark at someone who pissed you off, and you couldn’t only to have the smart remark come to you hours later when it was useless. A George Costanza moment (for you Seinfeld fans…)… This is an access problem… but mild version of blanking on an entire test (like, I was used to having), or having a flashback so large and so vivid and not being able to access the common reality we seem to agree on… 

All behavior and experience has a positive intention… usually the negative stuff is to warn you of a potentially dangerous situation… just sometimes the pain is from the perspective of a 3-year old

People are always doing the best that they can…  just sometimes it causes us a great deal of re-hurt (or our brain to reviews a painful memory but we only feel the pain from the memory. The memories were practiced previously we don’t get the visuals, smells, tastes, and sounds.

People already have all the resources they need… they just have a bit of problem accessing those resources.

Our mental images, inner voices, sensations, and feelings are the basic building blocks of all our mental and physical resources. These were created in our lives from decisions we made that created our beliefs, values, attitudes and even life themes or they may just have affected our perceptions over time. We can use these resources to build up any thought, feeling, or skill we want, and then place them in our lives where we want or need them most. The problem with this is that the many decisions we made were made either unconsciously or at a very earl age and forgotten. And, this is what has shaped our current ability to access our resources.

Tracy Joy is an NLP practitioner, author, and speaker in Vancouver, Canada. She is an international business expert in the area of human systems analysis and thinking change. If you have brain questions, send them Tracy and she’ll answer them on this blog. She can be reached through www.TherapeuticNLP.com

Presupposition #2: All behaviour has a positive intension.

For the part of the person that is responsible for a particular behaviour, that behavior has a positive intention. Every hurtful, harmful, and even thoughtless behaviour has a positive purpose in its original situation.

In NLP, if we can find an alternative that is positive then we can change the resulting behaviour. So, if every time someone yells you cover your head as if someone will hit you, you are equating yelling with hitting. This is currently the only alternative available to you. But, if we can come up with an alternative meaning to yelling, say; someone expressing themselves because they feel like they are not being heard – then an subsequent yelling might mean hitting or it might mean expression of self. 

The more positive we make the alternative, our brains will most likely go to that alternative more often, than if the alternative is negative. So, in the practice of NLP we are always looking to hold the positive intention of the behaviour. This is the hardest task for a human being experiencing being hurt by a past memory over and over again. But, being able to hold there is a positive side as well as the negative side they are experiencing, allows them to move forward through the experience. Holding on to there is only a negative side, re-enforces the negative and keeps the pain intact. 

I find personally this is the presupposition I have the most issue with and bump up against it time and time again. Recently, I had someone cross a boundary with me. They performed a security check on me to find out who I was without having my permission to do so. When I asked them about their intent, they told me they did it for me and for them to feel more comfortable. And, they would find out about it anyway through me so it was ok that they got everything they wanted out on the table.

Now if I want to be able to have a positive relationship with this person, I would need to come up with a positive intention that I could hold about this person’s invasion of my privacy and his subsequent discount of my value of that privacy. If I don’t, I can choose to continue to hold the position that this person is never going to respect my boundaries and as such will never be my client, my friend and only a draining on my energy.

I personally hold, that a person gives you everything about them in the first couple of moments of meeting them – he invaded my privacy (something I honour highly) without my permission and told me that it was ok for him to do so. I know on a professional level for the most part, most people don’t change. Unless they are exposed to a major life event, but even so, many times this only lasts a week or so… permanent change is only created through NLP or a hugely painful event. In this instance, if I were to do work for this person, no matter what I would offer, it would not be enough. So for me, this isn’t a potential customer, or a potential friend, and just a suck of energy. If I want to continue doing what I do, I need my energy for the people I want in my life. Life is too short to be taken in by energy vampires even if you are in a helping profession.

So I would like to add the cavieaot, all behavior has a positive intention, what you choose to make meaning of and do with it, is your business… so the receiver gets to choose the meaning they get with the associated behaviour. As the receiver, you get to condone or not that behaviour in life – guilt-free. If a behaviour hurts you, you might want to figure out an alternate positive meaning for the original hurt (ie: the 1st time you experienced this hurt in your life), so it doesn’t hurt you any more when a similar experience comes up.

Tracy Joy is an NLP practitioner, author, and speaker in Vancouver, Canada. She is an international business expert in the area of human systems analysis and thinking change. If you have brain questions, send them Tracy and she’ll answer them on this blog. She can be reached through www.TherapeuticNLP.com

What is NLP? Definition #4

NLP is… A toolbox of techniques for expanding perceptions, changing behaviour, redefining capabilities, revising beliefs, updating identity, & extinguishing personal coherence & well being.

Gregory Bateson said that in processes of learning, change and communication, there were natural hierarchies of classification. He also said that it was the confusion of these logical levels that often creates problems. The reason for each level to exist was to organize the information on the level below it. So, if you would change something on one level it wouldn’t affect the upper levels, but would cause change in the lower levels in order to support the change at the higher level.

Robert Goldson devised a hierarchical list of logical levels of change. So the higher on the list, the harder to create the change. And, the higher the change on the list creates change and support for changes lower on the list. The list was as follows: (high) Identity, Belief, Capacity, Behavior, and Environment (low). John Grinder said this was illogical. However, in NLP we tend to use what works… and this logical levels of change, works.

Understanding the logical levels of change creates a context for thinking about NLP techniques.  It also provides a framework for gathering and organizing information, so we can identify to the best point to intervene in making change. As humans, we do not change in bits and pieces, but organically. Learning and change can take place at any level or levels.

Identity change deals with your sense of self  – your values, your purpose, who you are.

Belief change deals with what you believe is true about life: the ideas that determine your daily behavior. Beliefs can be values, permissions, necessities or limitations.

Capacity change deals with the sets of behaviors, skills and strategies we use to function in our daily life.

Behavior change deals with the specific actions we carry out regardless of our capacity.

Environment change deals with what we react to – our surroundings, the people and the events that make up our experience.

So you may have noticed that after attending a seminar or reading a self-help book the processes doesn’t work after a week. It is precisely because behaviour is a lower level of change. And, to change a behavior permanently one must also make the belief and capacity level changes. Belief and Identity level changes are difficult to create with out specificity. When an author is writing and book or a speaker is running a seminar, it is difficult for them to create enough specificity for your unique belief system to create that level of change. At the most they could make some capacity level change.

If we don’t change identity or belief, it can clash with a new capability. The system in those instances will throw it out due to cognitive dissonance. NLP starts with behavioural and capacity change to figure out what’s not working. It then goes to belief and identity to create the sustained change.

Tracy Joy is an NLP practitioner, author, and speaker in Vancouver, Canada. She is an international business expert in the area of human systems analysis and thinking change. If you have brain questions, send them Tracy and she’ll answer them on this blog. She can be reached through www.TherapeuticNLP.com 

What is NLP? Definiton #3

NLP is… The art of modeling the form & sequence of internal states, internal computations & external behavior so that any known ability maybe replicated and taught (mostly).

A model is a set of instructions, procedures or steps that allows people to understand how a given talent or ability or can be performed. Models are different that theories. Theories deal with the “why” and not the “how” of experience.

Think about this way: The theory of flight gives you the reason why or why not successful flight will occur. A model airplane either flies or doesn’t fly. Because NLP is a model, it may not always work in theory, but it usually works in practice. And, a model is not the truth, but provides usable information about the truth.

Richard Bandler (one of the guys that created this NLP stuff) defines himself as the world’s best human modeler of unconscious behaviour. His career has been aimed at developing behavioural technologies to help people solve problems and achieve goals. And, I think at its essence, this is really what NLP is about – helping people be, do and have what they want.

In my own practice I’ve seen people change in front of me when they realize what the want is in their grasp. What many people don’t realize is that if they want something and someone else has it, it is available to them through this modeling technology. And, if the model that is currently being used in not working it can be changed or re-modeled into something that works better for that individual.

The reason why someone might opt for this technology instead of counseling, coaching or psychotherapy is that imbedded in the structure of the practice of NLP is teaching the client’s brain how to do the work so that they don’t need to be reminded to be different – In essence teaching them how to fish rather than just giving them a fish.

The process of modeling behavior whether applied to individuals, groups or organizations requires representations of the present state, desired state and resources. That is, the internal and external smells/tastes/picture/sounds & feelings that go along with the present state, desired state and resources. 

Tracy Joy is an NLP practitioner, author, and speaker in Vancouver, Canada. She is an international business expert in the area of human systems analysis and thinking change. If you have brain questions, send them Tracy and she’ll answer them on this blog. She can be reached through www.TherapeuticNLP.com 

What is NLP? Definition #2

NLP is… A coding and notational system for understanding and patterning subjective reality. In order to produce a model of behaviours or anything else one must have certain tools to code information.

What Grinder and Bandler set out to do in creating NLP was to find a simple way of coding behaviour.

The purpose of a model is to identify patterns in the interactions between human behaviour and their environment. This is done so a specific behaviour can be systematized within the desired context to achieve the desired result. The model makes it easy for any one learning the model to obtain the desired results efficiently, effectively and consistently.

Decision theory shows a model in this structure: environmental variables (that we assume are limitations) plus decision variables (possibilities) create outcomes or results. Specifically, models are made up of a structural element or building blocks and a syntax or a set of rules that describe how the building blocks are put together. So if we are to change the outcomes, we need to change the inputs. The possibilities are what resources/inputs we think we have. However, if we can change some of those limitations into possibilities, we can change the final output.

NLP is a model designed to increase the possible outcomes of behaviour. In this way it allows us to change the inputs to increase flexibility so the final output or behaviour is changed. To make these changes we need a notation that describes experience (or how and what people perceive, think, feel and behave).

In NLP we use 5 classes of sensory experience: seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling, and tasting and we have both internal and external experiences of those. So it makes sense that we can use seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling& tasting as our coding system. We can also note if the experience is and internally generated experience or an externally generated experience. By being able to track those expressions of experience, we can change a single aspect, which will provide for a flexibility in perception and result in a completely different output. 

For example, if you picture smelly garbage and we remove the colour out of that garbage, is it smelly? Or if we move the picture of tomorrow’s deadline test further away from you, is the pressure as intense? Most like not. This is the beauty of the model of NLP as a coding system. We can take any experience and break it up into smaller manageable pieces then change an element/piece and produce change.

Tracy Joy is an NLP practitioner, author, and speaker in Vancouver, Canada. She is an international business expert in the area of human systems analysis and thinking change. If you have brain questions, send them Tracy and she’ll answer them on this blog. She can be reached through www.TherapeuticNLP.com